


Loving Yourself | Eren Yeager

by 1800angst



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Drugs, F/M, Sexual Content, Violence, Weed, eren has a septum piercing, kind of slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 18:07:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29211666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1800angst/pseuds/1800angst
Summary: When you tell him you can't be in a relationship because you don't love yourself, he makes sure that you do so.-| PLAYLISTS ON SOUNDCLOUD (1800angst) AND SPOTIFY (awarejohnson) |
Relationships: Eren Yeager & Reader, Eren Yeager/Reader
Comments: 7
Kudos: 75





	1. Chapter 1

You stared at your reflection in the mirror, checking the outfit you had put on just a second ago. Your best friend Stella walked up behind you, her lips curving up into a small smirk. “I told you,” she said. “you look stunning.”

Stella had picked this outfit out for you, it was nice but it was also kinda uncomfortable. The outfit consisted of a skirt and a loose black shirt. “It’s a bit of my comfort zone,” you say, staring at her through the mirror. “Well, if you want to change you can. I think you look extremely good. And I have another pair of fishnets in my bag if you’d like,”

A sigh escaped your lips and you turned to face her. “It doesn’t matter, I don’t want to be late. We won’t be there long anyway,” Stella threw her arms happy. “Yay! Then when we get back we shall order pizza and binge watch…” she paused for a brief second. “I don’t know, we’ll figure it out.”

You finally smiled, watching as she stepped back, picking up her bag. Stella was so gorgeous and outgoing. Her purple box braids sat in perfect space buns, hazel eyes constantly shining bright despite how sad she truly was. You always found yourself wondering how the hell she became your friend. You loved her. Your platonic soulmate.

Stella leaned against the bed, slipping her combat boots on before jumping up with enthusiasm. “Let’s get going,” taking her keys out, she dangled them around and you followed her out of the room. Your dad was sleeping on the couch, a movie playing on the TV.

Deciding not to wake him up, you’d just send him a text, reminding him where you’d be.

Both you and your best friend stepped out of the house, and you headed to her car. “I need to fix this goddamn door,” Stella was also extremely talented. She always worked on her car. To you, she was practically a mechanic thanks to your dad.

“You haven’t fixed it yet?” you ask, sliding into the seat. She shut the door and sighed, pushing the key into the ignition. “Not yet. School has been kicking my ass recently, I don’t have time for anything,” you nodded understandingly.

-

Football players rushed the field and Stella ate nachos as she watched intently. “I need to get a good angle,” you mumble. For photography class, you had to come to the game to take pictures for your new assignment and then was supposed to write an article about it.

You’d just write bullshit on it, the teacher was nice enough to let it slide. Stella and you walked around for a bit until you were able to find a good enough angle. “Hey, I’ll be back, I’m gonna get something to drink. You want something?”

“No, thanks though,” Stella left your side soon after, rushing over to the concession area, waiting in line while you were able to snap a few pictures here and there. Pulling the camera away from your face, you went to take a look at them, just to make sure they didn’t come out blurred or anything.

You didn’t feel like leaving without Stella, so you continued to stand there and watch the football.

Eren laughed with his friends, Connie jumping onto Sasha’s back. “Guys, we should take a picture,” Armin suggests to the group as they walk around the corner. “One of us would have to take the picture,” Mikasa replies quickly.

Just as she said this, Eren’s eyes landed on your figure standing there, the camera in your hand. “Hold on guys, I have an idea,” they watched as he rushed off. Your eyes widened slightly, feeling a tap on your shoulder.

“I’m Eren...I saw your camera and was wondering if you could take a picture of me and my friends?” you look over, seeing as they all stared at you which made you look away instantly. “Sorry, I’m gonna have to pass,” you didn’t want to be rude but you just didn’t like the way they kept staring, it made you feel self-conscious.

When you turned, Eren opened his mouth to say something else. “I’ll pay you,” he says. “You’re gonna pay me to take a picture of you?” you ask, glancing at him. Eren wouldn’t have mentioned it but he wanted to get another look at you. “Yeah,” he grinned cheesily, which almost made you smile but you didn’t.

“Okay,” you answer. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out ten dollars. That was all he had, having spent it all on junk food for his friends while they sat up in the bleachers.

He was seriously paying you ten dollars to take one photo of his friends. You weren’t entirely complaining, but if that was you, you certainly wouldn’t.

Eren would have hated the idea if it wasn’t for the fact that you would have to contact him again for the photo. You finally got a good look at his face. His brown hair sat in a bun, a few strands setting the perfect look. His green eyes stared into yours and your eyes shifted the septum piercing he had.

After taking the money, you followed him over to his friends. They decided not to question him about paying you, posing instead as you got in front of him.

Eren stared at you the whole time, watching how concentrated you were while taking the photo. Stella walked up, sucking out of her straw as she stood and watched.

Her eyes widened when she saw Jean. “Would you like me to retake it? You kinda had...meat in your mouth,” Sasha was the one who shook her head, causing everyone in the friend group to laugh. “can I get your email? So I can send it to you?”

The word email made you feel like an old person. “Yeah,” Eren strolled over to you and they watched as you pulled your phone out and handed it to him. “here ya go.”

You smile. “Thanks,” turning away, your eyes landed on Stella who stared at Jean. You lift a brow and turn around, seeing who she was staring at. “What’s the matter?”

“That’s Jean! The dude I hooked up with over the summer? Remember that party we went to?” Jean saw her standing with you and she looked away. “let’s get the fuck out of here before he tries to talk to me.”

Letting out a small laugh, you two rush outside the gates and out into the parking lot. Jean groaned, making Eren look at him while the others were distracted. “What’s the matter with you?”

“That girl with the one who took the photo...I think her name was Stella? I hooked up with her over the summer and ended up embarrassing myself,” he sighed. Eren grinned, hitting him on the back hard. “Good job,” 


	2. Chapter 2

You and Stella laid in bed together, watching the movie that played on TV. “Wait was Jean the one who threw up after sex?” she continued to stare at the TV. “Yes, I was traumatized. Haven’t had sex since,”

A smile appeared on your face. “That reminds me…” you got off the bed and strolled over to the computer desk. “I have to send him the picture.” Stella continued to watch the movie, feeling herself slowly become tired.

Typing your password in, you leaned over, reaching for the camera before grabbing the USB that went with it.

When the photo was imported onto your computer, you pulled your phone out and headed over to your notes.

Your eyes scanned the page, seeing that he had put his number under his email. Stella dozed off, hearing light snores coming from behind you. You’d have to wake her up so she could take her makeup off.

. You laughed softly.

Putting his email in, you simply sent the photo, nothing else. Sitting back, you stared at the screen. He looked so good. It was 3 in the morning, yet a notification popped up on your computer, showing he had already replied.

_Thank you! Did you see my number?_

You waited for a bit to respond, which ended up being _yeah, what am I supposed to do with it?_

Eren laid in bed, staring at his phone as he read your reply to him before quickly typing up his next response. _You should definitely call me sometime? Or if you’d like, meet up with me tomorrow, possibly today, and take some pictures of me. How does thirty bucks sound?_

The money could certainly be useful. As you sat back and thought of your answer, you bit down hard on your hand. Eren couldn’t believe that he was seriously offering more money, all just to see your face again.

 _Thirty bucks sounds great. Today. Busy Sunday._ Without replying further, you clicked out of the email and then turned your computer off for the night, walking over and lightly shaking Stella.

-

“He looked so good,” Stella groaned, eyes rolling as she plopped onto the bed. You spun in your chair, taking a good look at her. “but every time I think of him, I think of _oh_ _god_ _Stella_ , _ride_ _me_ _just_ _like_ _that_ then—” she rose slightly, faking a puking expression.

You lift a brow. “It seems that you’ve got kinda a thing for him?”

“No...well, he’s certainly attractive. But yeah, I wouldn’t go as far as saying I like him. Don’t even know the dude,” suddenly there’s a knock on the door. “Come in,” you say, watching as the door began to open.

Your mother stood in her work clothes. “Okay, I'm heading out for the day. I’ll see you tomorrow, I gave your dad his medicine. Behave, girls,” she said before backing out of the doorway. “love you.”

“Love you too,” you and Stella say in unison. Stella practically lived here. She hated her aunt, which is who she actually lived with. So, your parents allowed her to stay here whenever, knowing things have been rough.

When the door closed, you looked at Stella. “I forgot to mention that I’m meeting with that guy from yesterday. The one I took the picture for? Eren,” her eyes grew. “Why?”

“He offered me thirty bucks...just to take pictures of him. It’s not a lot, but I can give it to my mom to help pay for bills,” Stella sighed. “I mean if you really want to. Need me to go with you?”

You shook your head and stood, stretching. “I’m fine going alone. Unless you really wanna tag along,” you say as you began to walk over to the closet. Stella shook her head. “Nah, I won’t go...but call me if you need anything. If he’s friends with Jean, he’s probably crazy,” you smiled softly, finding something to wear. Stella stared at the ground.

“I was talking to my aunt about my parents the other night…” you froze before slowly turning to face her. Her eyes remained on the ground. “my mom contacted her, but that’s all she’d say. I bet it was for money.”

Stella’s parents had left her alone when she was eleven. At first, she thought it’d be temporary but she was on the edge of seventeen and they still had nothing to do with her. It gets her upset when she starts thinking hard about it. “I’m sorry, Stells. They don’t deserve to know you anyway...it’s not the same, but you got me and my family. We love you and always will,”

A smile suddenly appeared on Stella’s face. “Yeah, I am pretty lucky. I love you, Y/n,”

“Love you more, Stella,”

Eren walked into the living room where his friends sat watching a movie, which they were currently arguing about. “I’m telling you that Jacob deserved better,” Jean says, eyes glued to the screen. “He fell in love with a child, Jean,” Connie lifted a brow, turning to look at him. Eren shook his head and walked away, heading into the kitchen and opening the fridge to grab some orange juice.

He kept looking at his phone to see if you’d eventually message him. And you would, but he was impatient. “I’m going out today,” Eren glanced over at Armin who was typing away at his laptop, doing school work. “so I’m letting you know now, you gotta watch these idiots.” he was referring to both Jean and Connie, looking at them as they continued to argue about Twilight.

Armin looked over. “All right,” he nods. Eren lived on his own, so his friends practically lived with him, keeping him company. His phone went off and he pulled it out, seeing a random number. It was you.

_Hey, where are we meeting up at?_

He smiled before typing his response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stella is my favorite. I created a beautiful OC. feedback is appreciated :)


	3. Chapter 3

Eren had arrived before you, his green eyes landing on your figure as you walked up. He smiled. “You actually came,” he said.

“Money is money,” you reply, looking at him to see that he had changed his septum piercing. “Here’s your money. I actually don’t need you to take pictures of me. Allow me to buy you lunch?”

You lift a brow as you took the money from his hand. “I came all this way...why couldn’t you have just said something over text? I brought my camera and everything,”

“I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to scare you. More like I figured you’d say no,” you stared at him and the smile remained on his face. “Don’t get me wrong, you seem like a good guy,” you were hungry and didn’t really want to say no, considering how you just got here.

There was a small diner nearby as well. “Whatcha say?” his head tilted to the side and you looked away. “Okay, but take your money back _please_ ,” Eren shook his head, gesturing for you to follow him. “No can do, princess,”

Your face heated up at the nickname and you soon rolled your eyes, following after him. “Have you ever eaten here? They have like _the_ best food,”

“No, I haven’t,” his eyes widened and he stopped, turning to look at you. “Seriously? Oh yeah, you’re gonna fuckin’ love this place,” a small smile appeared on your face as he turned back around, leading you to the diner door.

You two found a booth to sit at and waited for the waiter to bring your menus to look at. The diner was kind of busy, considering everyone was coming to eat for their work break and although you hated busy places, you didn’t really mind as you were focused on him as he talked about how good their food was.

There was a girl that ran over, your eyes widening as she stood in front of you and Eren. “Sasha, give me the regular,” she nodded, writing it down. “Eren, you haven’t told me about your little friend,” Sasha leaned down to Eren’s ear, whispering. She hadn’t realized it was you from last night.

Or at least, that’s what she thought. You heard her. “Sasha, this is Y/n. Remember? Last night she took our picture,” her eyes grew slightly, nodding along as she suddenly began to remember. “Ah, I see. Well, is there anything I can get you?”

You ordered and when she walked away, Eren leaned back against the booth. “She only works here cause she gets free food,” you smile, watching as she walked behind the counter and looked around before shoving a piece of bread into her mouth. “Either that or she steals it,” both of you laughed.

It wasn’t awkward between you two and you felt grateful for that. That would have just killed the whole mood. Eren was, to your surprise, nice and funny. When looking at him, you’d expect him to be some cocky douchebag, but that wasn’t the case.

“So...are you a senior as well?” he glanced up at you before taking a bite out of his food. “Yeah,” you nod. “still have no idea what I’m doing with my life.”

Eren felt the same way. “I’m not going to college. I already hate school as it is...why would I want to go back for another fucking like...four years? Not me,” he expressed confidently, shrugging his shoulders. “I also hate school but I just don’t want to be a failure,”

“Don’t look at it that way then. I refuse to believe you’ll ever be a failure in life. Photography. Have you thought about doing anything further with that?” you stare down at the plate in front of you. “Not really... _no_ ,”

He put the fork down, allowing it to drop onto the plate. “I think you’d do great at it. You already do. And you’ve only taken one picture for me. You have great posture for it and when you’re focusing the lens, you’re not as shaky, and you appear to know what you’re doing. And maybe it’s something you could look into,”

Did he really notice those small details about you? “Just saying,” he finished, sending you a quick wink as you avert your attention to him. “Can I be honest with you?” Eren grinned. “Of course you can. That’s all I ask for is honesty,”

“I thought you were an asshole when you came up to me. Like one of those idiotic douchebags that would be in a fraternity,” Eren lets out a fleeting laugh. “And what do you think of me now?” he calmed down and a smirk appeared on his lips.

You gaze off to the side. “You’re honest and understanding. Typically people would think I’m crazy — _mad even_ , for not having my life planned out...and maybe I am, but you made me feel good about it — more comfortable,”

“Well, good. You’re not the only one in that position either. People always think others have everything planned out just because they do. Everyone is different. Nobody should get mad at you because of it either. It’s your life and you get to decide where you go with it. Some people don’t figure out what to do with their life until years after graduating. You have time,” while Eren preached to you, you couldn’t help but gape at him.

He was so meticulous with his words. “I’m good at a lot of things. I’m sure you’ll figure that out soon, in ways more than you could imagine” your brows furrowed with confusion before you realized that you had actually said that aloud instead. “it’s okay, princess, I don’t mind. You look adorable looking like that.”

“Don’t get me wrong...you seem like a great guy, but I’m not looking for a relationship,”

Eren smiles. “Okay, then let’s be friends,”

You blinked at him. It was _that_ easy? “Okay, friends,” you nod.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos? subscriptions? bookmarks, go ahead and do it. anyway I'm updating cause I saw episode 9 and GAHHHH DAYUUUMM


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> get that playlist ready

Monday rolled around and you sat in history class, listening to Mr. Smith as he preached about war. You didn’t really care so you just sat there and took the notes you were supposed to take.

Nobody you knew was in this class, so you just kept to yourself mostly. Your phone vibrated and you looked up from your notes immediately. You thought you had put your phone on do not disturb but apparently not. Thankfully, nobody heard and you slipped it out carefully.

**Eren: Hey, was wondering if you’d like to go to the bonfire with me and my friends. You down?**

You looked over at Erwin for a brief moment while thinking about your answer. What could it hurt? It was your senior year, you needed to do more. So you replied with a short yeah.

It didn’t take him long to respond, as he was leaned up against the bathroom wall waiting patiently. “What are you doing?” Armin asked, drying his hands. “Uh, waiting on Y/n to give me an answer on the whole bonfire thing...are you still going?”

“As of now, yeah. There’s no telling if work is going to call me in or not,” Armin continued to stare at Eren as he typed a response to your short _yeah_. “this girl...you like her?”

Eren put his phone away and looked at Armin, pushing off the wall. “She’s cute and nice, so yeah,” Armin smiled and nodded. “That’s good, you need a girlfriend,”

“Eh, I think it’ll be a while for that, but I’m in it for the long game,” Eren told Armin as they began to walk out of the bathroom together. “I’m gonna go back to class, are you?”

He shook his head at the blonde. “Nah, I’m just gonna walk around the school,” Armin nods and then goes his own way, leaving Eren to himself.

-

You waited at Stella’s locker, leaning up against it. Your eyes landed on her figure and she was walking with one of her classmates. When she noticed you, she told her something and then rushed over to you. “I’m so exhausted,”

“Me too. Having to listen to Mr. Smith rant about history is such a bore. It’s always the same shit. I’m pretty sure we took notes on this last week,” Stella grinned and you moved slightly, allowing her to get into her locker. “He’s a cool teacher though,” Stella replied and you nod in response, taking a look around.

Stella put her books up and grabbed the binder for her next class. “So, I was wondering…” you trailed off and she glanced at you. “Eren asked me to go to the bonfire this weekend, will you come with me so I’m not alone?”

“Girl I’m always down for anything so hell yeah, besides there’s gonna be food there!” you grin at her. “You’re coming home with me today, right?” Stella nods and shuts her locker, hooking her arm with yours considering you had the next class together. “Yeah, your mom is making tacos today, why would I not be there,”

You two headed to class together and sat in the back, where you normally sit. Eren was walking by the door and he glanced at you before moving forward. He stopped when he realized it was you and went back to the door to wave at you. The door was closed and he knocked loudly, gaining your attention.

Everyone else looked back, your teacher included. “Hey!” he grinned happily, sending you a wave. Stella covered her mouth to hold in her laugh and you smiled awkwardly before sending him a wave.

“Is something the matter, Y/n?”

You shook your head, looking away from the door. “No, ma’am,”

-

After school, you met up with Stella and she groaned. “Thankfully, this stupid fucking school day is over,” she kicked a rock, sending it flying elsewhere. “It wasn’t that bad for a Monday,”

“My teacher is so huge on presentations, I hate that. Does she not realize some people have anxiety? Oh, **you can get over** , _no bitch_...fuck you. I will not be getting over it,” you frown. “she literally makes me want to drink my life away.”

Stella dug into her bag in search of her car keys. “And I may seem bubbly to everyone, but that’s just…” she sighed, her head falling back in frustration. “and because I refused to present, she gave me extra work. Fuck her. I can’t wait to tell that to her face on graduation day.”

You felt bad for her. She’s always had anxiety, but it hadn’t got worse until recently. Stella refuses to take medication for it too, scared she’ll get addicted to the pills.

Eren looked at you the same time you noticed him. He blew smoke out of his mouth and sent you a quick wave, the joint in between his fingers as he did so. “I can’t wait to be right there at your side while you do it, in fact, I’ll do it too,”

“Thank you,” Stella smiled as she unlocked her car door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to those who are reading this and sorry for the short and dull chapter. things will get better. i even have a Halloween chapter planned lol


	5. Chapter 5

When you got home, your mom was there before leaving for work. She seemed in a hurry, so you quickly went and put your things away before rushing out to her. “Mom!” you called out as she stepped out of the house.

“I have to go, Y/n,” she says and you stop. “I have some money I've been saving up…” that made her stop in her tracks, and she turned to look at you. “Y/n. No. I told you to stop that, spend the money on yourself. We don’t need you to worry about it,”

You stood there as she stared at you. “Why are you telling me you don’t want me worrying? You don’t want me to worry about our family? He’s my dad,” your mother sighs, shaking her head and closing her eyes.

“I don’t have time for this, keep the money for yourself. I’ll see you later,” your mother said, turning and rushing to the car again, leaving you standing there.

You watched her get into the car and drive away before you finally decided to go inside, your dad laying on the couch. “Everything okay?” he asked and you nod. “Is there anything you need before I get started on homework?”

He lets out a cough and then shakes his head. “I’m okay, thank you. Just go do your school work, if I need anything I’ll message you,” you check to make sure the phone was nearby before heading into your bedroom.

There wasn’t much you had to do since you finished up most work in school. And so when you took the work out and walked over to sit at your desk, Stella called you.

You put your phone up in a good place before answering it. “Everything okay?” you ask her and she groans loudly into the mic. “No, I'm so bored. I miss you terribly,”

When you went to respond, your phone dinged and you turned, seeing a text from Eren. “What is it?” Stella then asked. “It’s Eren,”

“Ooooh,” she let out a small laugh and rolled over on her bed. “what does he want?”

You pick up your phone and check the message. “He only asked if I had Snapchat,”

“Are you gonna give it to him?” you shrug in response before giving an actual answer. “I don’t see why not, though I rarely even use it,”

Texting him back, it didn’t take him long to reply with his username and you went and added him. When you set your phone down, he added you and sent a snap.

“Did you add him?” Stella asked, seeing the look on your face when you looked at the notification. “Yeah, I did. He already snapped me back, but I’m gonna wait to answer,”

Stella grins, the phone getting closer to her face. “Y/n, go open that message right now,” you groan. “But why,” she begins to explain why you should answer it and you cave, going to open it. A picture of him eating a lemon with the caption _what are you doing right now_.

The camera was angled down and you smile without even realizing it, sliding over to text him, saying you were doing homework and facetiming Stella. “Okay, how is it going with your Aunt? Have you talked to her?”

“Nah, when I came inside I just went to my room, nobody was even. I think they are home now though, but do I give a fuck? No, I do not,” you lift a brow and grab a pencil, getting started on your work. “I hate that she even makes me come back home every so often, she doesn’t even care about me.”

You nod. “Yeah, I don’t get that either. Because if she’d let us, my parents would adopt you. You’re happy here, and never there. But your aunt doesn’t realize because she doesn’t care as you said. We are your family,” you explain and she smiles. “God, I love you so much, Y/n. Seriously. I don’t know what I’d do without you in my life,”

“And I love you, Stella. You deserve better than that and I mean that truly,” you pause and look at the camera. “I don’t deserve _you_ ,”

Stella had a very rough life, along with you, and you two went through it together. “Don’t say that. My life would be nothing without you. I literally can’t think of something traumatic I’ve gone through and you were always...there for me. Even the day we met,”

_You were so young and confused, sitting down on a bench in the hallway at a hospital. You kicked your feet outward, looking around as you noticed your mother and father talking with each other. “Hi,” a girl around your age sat next to you. “why are you here?”_

_“My sister is in there, my parents are crying,” her hand touches yours and you look down, eyes slightly widening. “you want me to hold your hand?”_

_The girl nodded. “If your parents are crying, something bad probably happened. I can hold your hand,” you look up at her before your hand finally intertwined with hers. “my name is Stella. And yours?”_

_“Y/n. Where are your parents?” Stella sighed and looked over. “They are there at the desk, my grandpa is here and they are sad. They think he is going to die,”_

_Your heart ached for her. “Oh, I’m sorry,”_

_“I wasn’t close with him, so I’m not sad,” she says, looking at you and smiling. Your parents came over to you and got confused with who Stella was. “Who is this, dear?” your mother leaned in front of you. “My friend Stella, she’s nice,”_

_“We need to talk to you for a moment, then you two can talk again,” your father then speaks up. “Why? I want to stay with my friend. She’s holding my hand to make me feel better,”_

_Your mother nearly cried at your words and nodded, looking up at your father before continuing._

Stella was always there. “I love you, I’m gonna go take a shower,” she says and you nod. “Okay, have fun. And text me if you need me,”

“Gotcha,” she answers and ends the call. You picked up the phone and went to Snapchat, seeing Eren texted you. All he said was _**Ah, okay. Talk to me soon then**? _Leaving him on open, you locked your phone and got ready to speed through the homework. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that the update took forever and it's so late (for me at least). also...I'm writing another eren fanfic, but it's an enemies to lovers. I won't publish it until I'm on chapter fifteen or something. streaming the new episode tomorrow, let me know if you want to join the discord. lol btw chapter 138 does NOT exist.   
> btw thanks for all the kind comments omg


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